Quote of the Day

"Too cold to change sign. Come inside for message."

~ Downtown church's bulletin board

my lungs had a rough weekend

I like them - the shakes that steal inevitably over me after taking my inhaler. Those quietly reassuring shivers that tell me, at least for a while, that I won't have to gasp for air anymore.

Quote of the Day

"Ladies do not start fights, but they can finish them."
~ The Aristocats

Quote of the Day

"If you keep making me cook all the time, I'm making you buy me an apron."
~ Donald

being bi...or pan...or queer

I'm going to stop referring to myself as 'bisexual' when I can, I think. Some people think that 'bisexual' seems to support the gender binary, and I tend to agree. I don't know what to go to as a replacement, though. I like 'queer' better than 'pansexual,' although both are less well known than 'bisexual.' 'Queer' tends to invite, "Oh, so you're gay then," while 'pansexual' elicits confusion. Among most people I know, anyway.

Which is why I'm probably going to stick to 'bisexual' in conversation with people I'd rather not get into a giant discussion of sexual orientation/gender with, though.

thank you, tea party. you bring us so many things

This is a link to a list of "non-essential" programs that were cut in Washington so as to balance the budget. You know, things like adult dental care and access to psychotropic meds. Thank God the income tax didn't pass though, right? Then we REALLY woulda been fucked!

Quote of the Day

"There's one thing the religious right does want to protect children from: f-bombs. F-bombs and access to affordable health care. Because their priorities are, in a word, fucked."
~ Dan Savage

Quote of the Day

"Oh god. I just found a sparkle on my chest. HOW DID THAT GET THERE? ARRGH. WHY DO I FEEL AN URGE TO GO WATCH A 17 YEAR OLD GIRL SLEEP?!"
~ Donald

here, have a rage

Works best if you're USian.

letter to dan savage from a self-proclaimed christian

"Seriously, you fucking piece of shit. I don't care if gay kids kill themselves. I'm glad they kill themselves. I don't like gay people. Homosexuality is fucking stupid and is an evolutionary dead end. These people are sick in the head and they either need to get help or fuck off and leave the rest of us NORMAL people alone.
Furthermore, bullying has been going on for YEARS, DECADES, even CENTURIES and for a variety of reasons. Kids are bullied for being fat, for being Jewish, for wearing glasses, for being disabled, for being Christian... but all of a sudden you give a shit about bullying because some fucking fags kill themselves? Where the fuck were you when teenage girls were killing themselves because the creep they slept with started spreading nasty rumors about her? Oh, they don't matter because they can't be exploited for political gain.

You only give a shit about these fucking fag suicides because it gives you an ample opportunity to demonize Christians and conservatives to the mushy middle. You're an opportunistic piece of shit and I hope you burn in hell right along the stupid worthless faggots that did humanity a favor and removed themselves from the gene pool."

Quote of the Day

Calob: "I could deal with you making me breakfast."

Donald: "I could deal with hitting you in the face with a pan."

Calob: "...I could deal without you making me breakfast."

Quote of the Day

"Why are you so amazing?"

"I was dipped in the lake of superb by the high priests of fantastic when I was a child."

am so jealous

Johnny Depp pays a surprise visit to London primary school.

Why? Because one of the girls wrote him to ask for help "mutiny-ing against the teachers." D'awwww.

i have the best boyfriend

I get home from a truly exhausting ten hour shift at work, hop on to Calob's laptop, and see a Notepad file smack in the middle of the desktop that says, "Gabrielle, read me!"

I'm like oh shit, I must have gotten an extremely large crumb or something stuck in the keyboard and Calob wrote me a note just in case he forgot to talk to me about it. I open it...

"I love you more than words can express. You are so wonderful, intelligent, beautiful, and just absolutely amazing. You brighten my every day, just by being there with me.Thank you so much for being with me. I love you, Gabrielle, from the bottom of my heart.
- Donald"

eeeeeeee <3

Quote of the Day

“Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery.”
~ Malcolm X

eek

Whenever someone makes a passive-aggressive or even just angry post on Twitter that could even vaguely sort of apply to me I always feel guilty, always always always.

happy happy joy joy

Westboro Baptist church is coming to my town to picket my former university.

If there actually was a god worth serving, these people would have been lightninged long long ago.

Quote of the Day

Donald: "Are you mad at me?"

Gabrielle: "No."

Donald: "Okay, but are you ACTUALLY mad at me?"

Quote of the Day

"People in general tend to assume that I'm angry at something, quite probably them, because my default facial posture is indistinguishable from a frown. There's also the problem where if I do find something deeply funny, the laughing part of my brain seizes up while analytical tendrils spin the idea this way and that in an attempt to know why. It is complicated, but the smile was there nonetheless. I noticed it because it felt like there was something on my face."
~ Tycho

allergies...the spice of life

My friend Elliott from Alaska, after much plotting about moving to a place in North Carolina (the boy's 21 and owns three houses...ridiculosity), finally bought the place and began his cross-country move. Originally he was going to pass through Washington by way of Seattle, but after his trip got delayed about 3 weeks, he ended up in Seattle for about a weekend and in Spokane for about 2 weeks instead. Which is great, because due to various problems with my car's battery and my work schedule being flipped around a bit, I wasn't going to be able to make it to Seattle. He rented a room in a downtown Comfort Inn but did spend one night on our apartment couch and a lot of nights hung out at our place until 12 or later at night. We had fun :)

While he was here, he ended up acquiring a large jar of so-called "Chocolates of the World" from Costco. He left Spokane Saturday and left them here, claiming if he ate any more sugar he would explode. We, as you might imagine, were just fine with this. Donald and Calob said they hadn't noticed any peanut butter or other nutty chocolates in there, and according to the label all the chocolates were either "milk or dark." There was no ingredient list at all (I really should have known better).

I have fairly severe nut allergies, both peanuts and tree nuts. I've had them since I was about five. All of my siblings are allergic to at least peanut butter, though Spencer and Cameron can happily munch away on hazelnuts and almonds with no problems. I'm not so lucky. Eating anything of the sort results in some form of anaphylaxis, usually staved off with antihistamines such as Benadryl.

Madi got back into town last weekend, one day earlier than my friend and her housemate Tara. She didn't want to spend a night alone in her house, so I stayed Sunday night at her house. Her mom had made some pumpkin bread for Madi out of a mix, so we had some for breakfast. I got a reaction almost immediately, and after some investigation we discovered the mix contained (as enthusiastically stated on the box) "Real Pecans!" I took some allergy meds immediately and felt slightly better, although the uncomfortable feeling of my throat being generally swelled and difficulty swallowing and breathing persisted for about half an hour (this is fairly usual). I have a more violent reaction to pecans than I have to other nuts, for whatever reason, and I came fairly close to puking, but didn't. I only had a very small piece of pumpkin bread, so I also ended up napping for about two hours (antihistamines can occasionally make one drowsy).

Yesterday I was watching a movie with Donald when we got into some of the chocolate Elliott left (Donald was feeling slightly depressed, and chocolate sometimes helps that). I had one and thought it was great. Maybe a minute went by before I started feeling the tell-tale itchiness in my mouth and throat. A small spot on my lip also puffed up very quickly. I took an antihistamine immediately but didn't really have much time to feel its affects before throwing up. This was...kind of unusual. Pecans have been known to make me do that, but pecans in food are basically always in basic nut form, not broken down into a buttery form like peanut butter or walnuts, and I have a less violent reaction to those. And the lip thing...I'd never had that happen before, in my memory.

I brushed my teeth so the nut (whatever it was) wouldn't be in my mouth anymore at all, and took another antihistamine. Donald, of course, was incredibly worried, but I assured him I felt slightly better (which was true) and that it should all be fine now. I was mad at myself for having eaten something with nuts in it twice in two weeks. Generally this sort of thing only happens about once a year or less...anyone with nut allergies soon learns to be very careful about eating anything, especially cookies, that you haven't seen a very specific ingredient list for.

However...unlike usual...the swelling on my lip didn't seem to be going down at all, and I was having more than usual difficulty swallowing/breathing. I was worried that my throat was swelling and not going down either, and started feeling the first few flutterings of worry and panic. I don't have fatal allergies, and usually taking an antihistamine as soon as I start feeling a reaction is enough...but that doesn't stop me from starting to panic if I can't find medicine quickly, and I was starting to panic, which doesn't make breathing and staying calm any damn easier.

I was really embarrassed at asking Donald to take me to the emergency room (what if I was just being paranoid? what if I felt better as soon as we got there? what if? what if?). I'm not sure why. I always hate having to ask for help or assistance and even though I KNOW allergies are srs business, I'm always worried that I'm being an inconvenience to everyone. That and last time I was at the hospital for something allergy related, it took almost 3 hours before I could leave. *sigh*

Surprise, surprise, we were there for about two and a half hours. I apologized to Donald SO MUCH and said I hoped I didn't ruin his weekend or anything...and promptly got scolded. "Gabrielle! Don't apologize for being SICK!" ^.^;

I got an IV, and about 3 different needles full of Benadryl or some equivalent. I started shaking a lot, and getting really light-headed. Not like I was losing consciousness or about to faint or anything. Here's a pic of the IV, if you're curious. Don't click if blood makes you faint or anything fun like that. They also sent me home with four prescriptions for lots of fun things, like EpiPens, Prednisone...I don't even remember. I'm glad everything turned out all right, although I am SUPER annoyed at Costco/Kirkland for selling unlabeled nut-filled chocolates. Seriously! Do they have any idea how dangerous that is? God.

this is so the cutest thing you will see all day

Otters at Chester Zoo.

No. Way.

"Judge: Military's ban on gays is unconstitutional."

:O

Quote of the Day

[11:46] Cole: I love cops with a sense of humor.
[11:46] Cole: I got pulled over by one while I was eating my fries while riding my bike.
[11:46] Cole: He goes "Son, did you know there's a two hundred dollar fine for riding a bike without using your hands?"
[11:46] Cole: I reply "What about unicycles?"
[11:46] Cole: "Oh, they're exempt."
[11:46] Cole: "Well, this is a regulation two-wheeled unicycle with an optional handlebar attachment."
[11:47] Cole: "Oh? *chuckle* Well then, carry on."

The Orange

by Wendy Cope

At lunchtime I bought a huge orange
The size of it made us all laugh.
I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave—
They got quarters and I had a half.

And that orange it made me so happy,
As ordinary things often do
Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park
This is peace and contentment. It’s new.

The rest of the day was quite easy.
I did all my jobs on my list
And enjoyed them and had some time over.
I love you. I’m glad I exist.

oh god

Star Wars sandwich cutters! Want want want want.

Quote of the Day

"Because of their track record of killing Americans, I can't support the construction of a Ground Zero McDonald's."
~ Anil Dash

:|

"In one of the first military commissions held under the Obama administration, a US military judge has ruled that confessions obtained by threatening the subject with rape are admissible in court."

I...don't know what to say here, really.

Quote of the Day

"The catbus in Totoro is so unrealistic. No cat would actually help people."
~ Cole

VIDEOAGE

Twilight for Guys.

Or, you know, anyone who appreciates Teh Female Makeouts.

<3

i fail at everything, sometimes/frequently

Somehow I forgot to blog about this. Um. So.

I turned in my application to be a roomie with Calob & Donald about two weeks ago. For some reason I was uber-paranoid that they would say no. I'd be moving in anyway, albeit illegally, and I'd probably be all paranoid and put 2/3 of my stuff into storage someplace so it wouldn't actually LOOK like I lived here. However, it turns out that won't be necessary :)

The landlady called me on my way to work last Wednesday to tell me my application was accepted. It was kind of embarrassing, actually - I answered while driving with the windows down, so she's all, "Hi, it's Velda from Rockcliffe..." and I'm like "wat" and she's like "ROCKCLIFFE, YANNO, THE PLACE YOU WANNA LIVE?" all sarcastic-like. I'm like "Oh! Oh god! I'm so sorry! Of course! Hi!" while hastily rolling my windows up so I can, yanno, HEAR. I'm dumb :B

They're having problems with their staff right now, so I'm not actually gonna sign lease papers and stuff until next week or so. But I'm going to start moving my stuff in, for sure, and trying to get my friggin' room at home cleaned out. I've been living there since I was 12, so there is a FUCKTON of shit laying around. Like, all of my high school homework, for starters. Oh boy oh boy.

But in regards to the fact that I am finally moving in with Donald, who I love so much - :DDDDDD

Quote of the Day

"I saw you downtown at the corner of Third and Stewart. You are a wolf on a leash. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? Has anyone ever told you that you are an actual wolf? Eat that asshole who's holding you prisoner and go back to the tundra."
~ The Stranger

i can HAZ tattoo idea

In my opinion, text-based tattoos can be kind of hard to do well. But, this is my idea, to be played with:

“What do you fear, my lady?"

"A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them, and all chance of valour has gone beyond beyond recall or desire."

D'AWW

A 5-week old Barbary lion (extinct in the wild). SO...CUTE...

Quote of the Day

"Vera said: "Why do you feel you have to turn everything into a story?"

  So I told her why:

  Because if I tell the story, I control the version.

  Because if I tell the story, I can make you laugh, and I would rather have you laugh at me than feel sorry for me.

  Because if I tell the story, it doesn't hurt as much.

  Because if I tell the story, I can get on with it."

~ Heartburn, Nora Ephron

history: 1 | truth: 0

Roman Coins from Falls of the Ohio.

"In 1963, a construction engineer found a small hoard of coins while excavating the north bank of the Ohio River...Troy McCormick, then manager of the new Falls of the Ohio Museum in Clarksville, Ind... identified the smaller coin...as a bronze of Claudius II, from 268 A.D. The larger coin has been identified...as a follis of Maximinus II, from 312 or 313 A.D...The exhibit has recently been removed from public display, because the Museum belongs to the state of Indiana, and the exhibit conflicted with the state's archaeological policy that there is no documented evidence of pre-Columbian contacts..."

WoW, Blizzard, FAIL [/pun]

Seriously, guys, this is not a good idea.

nice one, haters

This website seems to think Oscar Wilde was a 'reformed homosexual.' So much fail...

bell jar

Everything is muted, quiet, fuzzy, far away.

Actions have no consequences. Nothing really affects me. I'm in here. You're all out there. You can't touch me. Or if you do, it's a fluke, and it won't happen again.

I drop a glass to cause a reaction and watch as no one notices the shards. I pick fights, hoping that when they swing in anger to respond to my jabs that they'll see...I'm just screaming at you so you'll notice my S.O.S.

I'm trapped.

This all feels like a dream.

I'm going to wake up tomorrow and all this is going to be gone. I don't want it to be gone, but I don't know how to react to this anymore. All I can do is stare. This isn't real, it's just a choose-your-own adventure, and I made choices a little too daring, and picked the one where you walk off a cliff or something. But that's okay, because I can just flip back a few pages and fix it. Right?

It's hard to take it seriously because there's some part of my brain that's laughing hysterically and waiting for someone to tell me, haha, it was all just a test. No, of course you're not being kicked out. Or if you are, you're going to take it coolly, like a REAL adult, not having to bite your lip whenever your dad says he loves you, wondering, if you do, why are you DOING this to me?! How can you?!

My mom told me through angry tears Wednesday morning that, if anyone had asked her how she'd deal with the situation of one of her kids not coming home one night because they were spending it at their boy/girlfriend's place, she'd have said that their stuff would have been waiting on the lawn for them when they did eventually get home.

Oh good, tears. Everything is real, again. I can feel pain, I can face reality. This is happening. I have to deal. I will make it work.

I'm not sure how I'll make it work. Through sheer force of will? Yeah, that's worked real good so far, Gabrielle...

It'll have to. I don't really have another choice.

you have 1 missed call

I got a missed call earlier this morning from a number I didn't recognize or have saved in my phone. They didn't leave a message. I usually ignore it when I get calls like that, but then it occurred to me that if Donald tried to call me from his work phone for some reason (instead of his cell phone), that I wouldn't have the number. Presumably he would leave a message, but...eh, who knows. I called it back, just in case. It went straight to a - Hector or something's - voicemail, so I didn't leave a message.

Then he called again. I said hi and explained that I'd gotten a call from that number and was just checking that it wasn't someone I knew trying to get hold of me from a number I didn't know. The guy seemed confused - "Your name is...Gabrielle? Okay..." - then condescending -"Well, I think we just have a miscommunication." Um, no, asshole. I didn't accidentally enter the number in another phone, I just pushed the button on the missed call menu that rings the number right back.

He didn't so much hang up on me as say 'bye' abruptly and THEN hang up, but, uh, whatever. That's the last time I try that little stunt *sigh*

Quote of the Day

"I always beat Edward Scissorhands at rock-paper-scissors."
~ Chris

D8

This is supposed to be funny/horrifying, but the non-vintage COMMENTS make it more just horrifying. 25 Vintage Sexist Ads.

Quote of the Day

"No, no, NO! A fire in a wine cellar is NOT a good idea!"
~ Calob

errr

Just realized that possibly the reason I like Simon Baker so much is that he looks a great deal like the teacher I had such a huge crush on in middle/high school. Um.

being told to leave

I've been putting this off for a week because the situation kept changing, but things seem to have settled down for a while. So, I'd best explain.

My parents were not pleased when I started spending every weekend (and a few nights a week) at Donald's place, but they seemed to simmer down for a while. And by my parents I mean my mother, she was really the only parent who ever directly expressed upsetness. I knew they didn't like it, but nothing really happened, so I continued as usual.

Then, last Sunday, my father informed me that when I had some time he and Mom wanted to 'visit,' which always means that I'm about to get lectured. Due to various shenaniganry on my part they didn't end up 'visiting' with me until Monday night. It was the height of awkwardness. Dad said we were going to get coffee or something, but we ended up at the McDonald's a few miles up the highway. And by 'at the Mcdonald's,' I mean we sat in the car in the parking lot the whole time. I avoided eye contact and stared at the Shrek promotional ads on the side of the building for the most part. Sigh.

The basic gist of the conversation is that I had to stop staying over at Donald's, or get out. They disapprove, EXTREMELY, as it turns out, and also they think it's setting a bad example for my siblings. I think it's a great lesson that someone can grow up in a Southern Baptist fundamentalist home and not end up believing the same things as their parents, but apparently that's not something they feel comfortable with their other progeny learning by example.

In my mom's words, "As my mom used to say, you are not making my house into a flophouse. You can't just come and go as you please." I started quietly crying to myself at that point. I'm not sure why. I've seen this coming for a long time, although I rather always thought it'd be due to my being bi :P

They said a lot of things, like how they didn't want to push me into anything (their way of avoiding responsibility for the fact that OF COURSE I'll be moving in with Donald - I don't have anywhere else to go!), and how I didn't have to leave right away (just soon) and I was welcome to stay in their home as long as I wanted (as long as I live by their rules).

The lease on the house that Donald and Calob were living in with their sister and her boyfriend ended this month, and they've got their own apartment that I'll be moving into with them soon. It's something Donald and I were discussing anyway before all this happened...this just means I'll be moving in a lot sooner than I expected, that's all.

There was an apartment they were supposed to be moving into on the 19th or so, then some quirk came up with the paperwork and the managers ended up saying they couldn't move in at the last minute. This was a problem, because they were supposed to be out of their current house in two weeks, which isn't very much time to just pick up and start house/apartment-hunting all over again when they'd narrowed their choice down to this particular one. It was nerve-wracking for me too, because where they live affects where I live. Luckily apparently the lady they were talking to liked them a lot and went to bat for them with the other managers, and got them the place after all. So, they're moving in tonight and tomorrow.

I'm not sure when I'll start moving my stuff over...I have to do the apartment application and things. Donald doesn't think I'll need a cosigner, because I'm just moving into the apartment they already have, not renting a whole new place. We'll see. I'm thinking I'll try and move stuff the week my family goes camping. When they're out of the house it'll be a lot easier to start carting stuff away and not having to deal with sibling questions and parental emotions.

It's just a big change for me.

where my trekkies at?

This is hilarious and should be watched, tout suite!

Quote of the Day

"Everyone's gay for dinosaurs."
~ Donald

Catch a Body

by Ilse Bendorf

Salinger, I’m sorry, but “Don’t ever tell
anybody anything” is a string of words
I would like to wrap up in canvas and sink
to the bottom of the Hudson, or extract
by laser from the ribcage of all of us
who ever believed it, who felt afraid
to miss someone, to be the last one
standing. “Tell everyone everything” is
not exactly right, but I do believe that if
your mother looks radiant in violet
you should tell her, or when a juvenile
sparrow thrashes its wings in dustpiles
and reminds you of a lover’s eyelashes,
you should say so. We are islands all of us,
but we are also boats, our secrets flares,
pyrotechnic devices by which we signal
there’s someone in here we’re still alive!
So maybe it’s, “don’t be afraid.” We can
rewrite Icarus, flame-resistant feathers,
wax that won’t melt, I mean it, I’ll draw up
a prototype right now, that burning ball
of orange won’t stop us, it’ll be everything
we dream the morning after, even if we fall
into the sea—we are boats, remember?
We are pirates. We move in nautical miles.
Each other’s anchors, each other’s buoys,
the rocket’s red, already the world entire.

Quote of the Day

"There are also stairs, for people too crippled to use the elevator."
~ Calob

el parentals

"Are you on the Internet, Gabrielle?"

No, Dad, I'm just sitting here with the phone cord in my computer for my health.

"When are you gonna sleep, dear?"

Forgot I told my mom I stayed up last night 'watching movies' with Donald (lie) instead of sleeping at his place. Hahaha.

oh, internets

Interesting NYTimes article about how social media use affects your brain.

Quote of the Day

"Anime fans do not sleep. And they have all this energy. Kevin thinks they’re cutting the Pocky with meth."

~ Ursula Vernon

i can haz books?

I might as well keep track of all the new things I'm reading here. I got three new books from the library, all of which I have not read before. American on Purpose by Craig Ferguson, whence yesterday's Quote of the Day comes, and which I have been dying to read for FOREVER, since I adore Craig Ferguson. And it does not disappoint! I have about forty pages left. I highly recommend it.

I also got Artemis Fowl and the Time Paradox by Eoin Colfer and Self-Made Man by Norah Vincent. I have been reading the Artemis Fowl books for YEARS and still have the book report I wrote on the first one in seventh grade. Well...I still have all my science worksheets from 8th grade and stuff as well, but I am planning on throwing those out eventually. The A.F. book report amuses/pleases me. Norah Vincent's book is about how she dressed and lived for a man as a year. I think I got the recommendation for it from the xkcd blog? I honestly don't remember because I just wrote it down on my listography as a book I wanted to check out some time ago and didn't get it until now. I'm very excited to read it, although I'm trying to keep it out of the sights of my family. As the author is a cross-dressing lesbian, I really don't think they'd approve.

Work is going well. Jeff, the guy I preclose with a lot, says I'm getting faster. Which is grand. I don't like being the slow, incompetent new person x.x Brittany is still occasionally intensely annoying to me due to her tendency to fuck around instead of doing actual work, but she's really funny/outrageous as a person, so I guess it's nice she's not boring. Bryan is very nice, but it ended up being just us two working the Sunday afternoon shift for a while yesterday and we kind of ran out of things to say to each other, I think.

Donald has taken to calling me 'baby' lately. I approve. We've also been talking about moving in together. This might be a bit soon since we've only been going out for two months...and a big appeal is me getting away from my crazy family. I also love him to death and pretty much live at his house every weekend as it is. He and Calob are moving out into an apartment in June or July. Originally Calob's girlfriend Kat was meant to be coming with them, but apparently reconsidered for family/school reasons.

If I had my way I would really rather move into my own apartment first, not because I don't think things with Donald are stable but because, I don't know, it seems a bit odd to have my first living-not-with-family experience be with a boyfriend. However I am not making anything like enough money to live on my own. Even if I had a roomie it might not be enough. I got a letter the other day, too, informing me that as of June 25th or so I'm expected to start making payments on my student loans. With that, cell phone, and car insurance/gas payments....well, it's not like I have terribly much left in the way of rent. Food, yes. Rent, no. This is a problem.

Well, for me anyway. Donald says if I moved in with him and Calob he wouldn't even expect me to contribute towards rent at all because of how little I'm making right now. ...Out of everyone I've dated, I can honestly say he's probably the only one who I can even entertain getting into that sort of situation with without him using me not paying rent to pressure me into stuff.

My mom has not brought up the appropriateness of me staying over at Donald's house again, much to my relief. Apparently she is just getting used to me...not coming home for parts of the weekend. What my siblings think, I don't know and honestly don't care to know. My parents would not be at all happy if I moved in with Donald, which is why I want to buy the car from them before even thinking about it. I also need to pay off a couple small debts I have and maybe move to a more permanent cell phone company (I'm still rocking a TracFone at the moment), plus start payments on my student loans, before I want to think about moving out. I have informed Donald that if I do decide to move in with him, he WILL be present when I have to inform my parents of what is happening. I'm not sure what would be worse, me getting knocked up, or wanting to move in with him WITHOUT being knocked up/married as a prelude. Sigh.

Quote of the Day

"I have an addictive personality, I'll try anything a hundred times just to make sure I don't like it."
~ Craig Ferguson

just thoroughly grossed myself out

So, Rush Limbaugh is getting married again.

One of my Twitter friends posted about it, saying that the only reason she could think of that any woman would want to marry him is his money.

I responded, "I'd say 'poor woman,' but she's got to know what she's getting into...or should I say, what's getting into her?"

...

EWWWWWWW.

EW.

EW.

EW.

IT'S FUNNY BUT I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I SAID IT EXCUSE ME GOTTA GO HURL EVERYWHERE

blaaaaah

media, you improve my life so much

Get this text from Donald at 9:30 - "Baby, I love you so much. You are so beautiful and wonderful in so many different ways." Made all the more awesome because he gets up at or after 9 or so for work, so sending me that is pretty much the first thing he did after getting out of bed :) We have been dating for two months as of today, so, happy anniversary to us :)

Finally got the GINORMOUS collective fine taken off my library account so I can use my library card again. Proceed to check out Catch Me If You Can, Perelandra, That Hideous Strength, The Society of S, Death Troopers, and The Surrogates immediately. I've read all but the last two already, but I always enjoy rereading books, so it's not a problem. Done with P., T.H.S., and D.T. already. Working on The Surrogates, the origin for the recent-ish movie, apparently. I didn't know it started out as a graphic novel. I like it so far, and am REALLY hoping it has a better ending than the movie. I don't even recall the ending that well, I think saw the first and last 15 minutes or so only, but what I did see I didn't much like. Calob rented it last week and confirms my original opinion. So, we'll see if the novel does any better.

Somehow got into a discussion with Jason about how he believes pulling out to be an effective method of birth control (STUPID). Right as we were arguing about it, "Jizz In My Pants" comes up on my iPod xD Brilliant.

mirrors

I look at myself, and I don't know what he sees that he thinks is beautiful. I don't understand. But I stop looking and go involve myself in something else, knowing that if I look any longer, it will make it even harder to believe him than it already is.

Quote of the Day

"I just added a 3 1/2lb axe with a 36in fiberglass handle to my Amazon wishlist, and rather than suggesting the 8lb maul I expected, Amazon thought it fit to suggestGlee."
~ David

Quote of the Day

"Well, that certainly was an interesting use for a banana. Now go wash your hands. And burn the banana."
~ Sleep Talkin' Man

sigh

It's always...incredibly irritating to realize I shaved my legs and, somehow, missed an entire STRIPE of hair.

It's like a racing stripe or something, now. On *one* leg.

...

zoom zoom

Quote of the Day

"NOOOOOOOO... Excuse me while I go asphyxiate myself."
~ Terry

Quote of the Day

"Check out the website! We've got a Widget. I mean, a real widget. It's like a doohickey but it widgets better."
~ Neil Gaiman

:DDDD

I d'awwwed forever and ever and ever - Upular Remix.

why legal immigration sucks

Despite being, y'know, legal.

Quote of the Day

"Spotted a Great Crested Flycatcher today - a name which really ought to go to a more impressive bird. The GCF is pretty enough, in an olive-and-rust-and-yellow sort of way, but if you’re gonna saddle something with 'Great Crested Flycatcher' they ought to be a foot tall, chartreuse and vermilion and shocking pink, with anime-style haircuts."
~ Ursula Vernon

Quote of the Day

"Yeah, and Will's over there in a fistfight...well, actually more of a sword-versus-fingernails fight, but you get the idea."
~ Donald

hahaha. BRILLIANT.

Why have I never heard of this before?!

Ladies and gentlemen, the Dreadnought Hoax.

P.S. BUNGA BUNGA

weekends are FUN

The plan was to go over to Donald's on Friday. He asked what time. I said jokingly, "Come Friday night, leave Sunday night?" There was much mutual-shifty-eyed-ness over the fact that neither of us would really mind doing so all that much. But originally the plan was nailed down to say that I would come over roughly dinnertime & stay over till sometime Saturday. I brought pjs. Prepared Gabrielle is prepared.

Or so I thought.

I ended up actually staying till past midnight on Sunday.

The moral of the story is, never make jokes. Fate will make them come true, just to screw with you....Okay, maybe that isn't the moral. I'm too generally pleased with life right now to invent morals. Things are good. Really good.

Quote of the Day

David: "What's with the new Doctor Who logo? I disapprove of this greatly."

Gabrielle: "Haha. Not a fan?"

David: "I dislike the DW in the middle. DW is Darkwing Duck, and everybody knows it."

pink vs. blue

I'm tired of the whining.
The boys say the girls
are all catty
and the girls say the boys
are all jerks
and it just isn't true, okay?
Maybe it's something I've learned
from being bisexual
and dealing with not just
boys or just girls
but both and
slowly but surely
I've realized that,
contry to popular belief,
ALL of us are idiots.
We're all morons
and we all make mistakes
and say things
we don't mean and do
people we don't like
and forget to call
and call too much
and forget anniversaries
and use our teeth at the
wrong time and kiss
on the first date
and cheat.
We're all in this together
so enough pointing of fingers
and more holding of hands
please.

you guys i might totally have this thing

Am hyper, or possibly manic. I would vastly prefer the first possibility to the second. Possibly it's because I was upset to the point of extended crying earlier today, so it's just my emotions being all hey, let's make up for that whole thing before! Pfff. Anyway.

I was reading about...okay I don't actually remember what I was reading about on Wikipedia, but somehow it ended up me looking up about being a night owl, and it turns out if you prefer to stay up late and wake up early you have an eveningness chronotype. EVENINGNESS. Seriously, no shit. Science is ridiculous.

I clicked through further, finding that if you sleep in a pattern that disrupts your ability to participate in stuff like school or work normally you may have a circadian rhythm sleep disorder. You know how many times my weird-ass sleep schedule has interfered with school & work? UM ONLY LIKE A MILLION TIMES. I had a bit of a mini breakdown about a month after I started work at the paper mill because the schedule required me to be like...awake at 5 in the morning & go to bed by nine or so, and I just could not adjust. Well, that and I was working 55 hours a week. Heh.

AMUSING QUOTE: "Possible treatments for circadian rhythm sleep disorders include: [stuff. Patients] are also told to not be in bed for anything besides sleep and sex."

'And sex.' Hahahaha if I was treating someone for this disorder I would just tell them to start having sex on the kitchen table or the floor or something instead. Why not?

Also, this entry is in a weird text because I wrote in on LiveJournal first & then copy-pasted it here, because I'm an idiot.

oh look, things

I've had a Tumblr for a while, but don't recall that I've ever posted the link on here? It contains mostly funny pictures/links. The last two or more are from Donald :P The boy's funny, what can I say.

Tags says I have talked about Tumblr before, maybe linked it, too lazy/burdened with slow Interwebz to check before posting this. At any rate, there you go. I'm pimping it some more. Deal with it.

*yawn*

Just slept for 18 hours, making up for a fun-filled weekend of craziness. Mmm. Good stuff.

Poor Blogger...compared to my LiveJournal at 600 some entries & my Facebook Notes at 500 some, it's really behind at 191 posts, innit? (We won't even talk about how much shit is on my Twitter..)

Oh well. Forward the buffs!

well

For those of you who think "it's not official 'til it's on Facebook," I officially have a boyfriend. His name is Donald. He's fantastic.

:)

well, i WAS going to bed

I had high hopes of getting some sleep tonight, albeit on the couch as my bed is covered in dirty laundry. I thought I saw something small with legs dart across the upper bit of my keyboard, but when I actually looked it seemed to be gone. I thought ha ha, Gabrielle, awake for over 24 hours and you're hallucinating spiders. Brilliant.

Ten minutes pass, and something small with legs OH GOD SPIDER SPIDER darts across my screen. I fling the laptop away from me onto the couch, climb off the OTHER end of the couch, hit the lights, and finally KILL IT with a stray shoe. Its little body is smashed into the carpet somewhere. I lost track in all the terror.

Long story short, I can't sleep now, no way, no how, want alcohol, keep imagining that I have a spider on me GAH. Someone hold me :<

the 11th doctor

I finally got around to watching the first episode of Doctor Who, with the newest Doctor & companion: Matt Smith & Karen Gillan, respectively.

All I can say is: Wow. Great job casting Smith, I approve 100%. I think he does a bang-up job portraying the Doctor's quixotic Time Lord personality - and he's pretty cute too ;) As is Karen Gillan, especially in her initial sexy policewoman outfit. I think fishnets should be de rigeur for all companions from now on, kthnx...

so...

Stayed out very late with my Internet Guy again, got home at like 2 am. Trying to stay up and awake through church n stuff today so I can maybe get my sleep schedule fixed up again. I endure less parental bitching when I'm awake at normal hours :P

Mom came downstairs, demanded I get some rest..."Did you hear me?" "Yes, you've repeated yourself several times." Threatened to pull the plug on my computer. Technically she can do that - while the computer is mine, she & Dad pay for the electricity my wall plug is currently siphoning away. Plus they own the phone line I'm using to access l'Internets.

She stomped upstairs maybe 3 minutes ago without carrying out any of her threats, and while it's possible she could still cut me off - she has a phone line upstairs she could fuck around with that would force me offline - she hasn't yet.

Maybe her bark is worse than her bite, after all.

do re mi

(the new poem which I read at Broken Mic on Wednesday...it got some laughs/snaps, so here 'tis).

Apparently I don't look like a singer.
I'm not sure what a singer looks like.
Maybe skinnier?
Perhaps people think the notes come out clearer that way
Rocketing straight up from the diaphragm
Out the mouth
Tuneful and brilliant
Whereas a melody might get lost
Among my curves.
It's a possibility,
I don't actually know.
I DO know that if I try for high notes
I get faint and squeaky.
I'm an alto
Tending to the lower registers
And given to transposing higher songs
So they fit my natural range.
That's probably cheating.
I say 'apparently' I don't look like a singer
Because people are always surprised that I sing well.
It's not very often that people hear you sing
Although things like Rock Band have made it more common.
I tend to get it more when I'm visiting church
With new friends.
I'm singing along with the rest of the congregation
Striving to blend in
(Congregations encourage that)
And they'll turn to me and exclaim
(always in the tone of surprise!)
Hey! You have a good voice!
Yes...yes I do.

Quote of the Day

Dad: "Look at this job ad. 'Seeking people to work with the elderly, full or part time..."

Mom: "Don't. That's not the job for her."

Dad: "What? Why?"

Mom: "Uh. She's not a very caring person..."

geek FAIL

My little brother, Spencer, doesn't know who Leonard Nimoy is. -.-

faaaaaaaaaaaail

Oh hey, Twitter Fail Whale! Haven't gotten that in a while. Fun.

life, life

I wrote a new poem to read at Broken Mic on Wednesday (Spokane Poetry Slam's weekly open-mic-esque event). I feel like I have to write new poems for that - I've got so attached to most of my old ones that it's impossible to rework them so they're suitable for reading. I read two of mine two weeks ago, but it was a really tiny crowd and Kurt, the guy who usually is actually semi responsive during readings, wasn't there. Bleh. If it goes over well I'll probably post it here and on dA. If not, you'll just have to WONDER ABOUT IT FOREVER.

Today I am going to Open Interview day at Panda Express. Ima hopefully donate plasma (for money) and drop off some applications at other places, like Fairbridge Inn Express and...and whatever the building is that you're supposed to drop off applications for Spokane County jobs, I forget D:

Does Blogger allow posting of what I'm currently listening to? It would be nice if there was an option for that. I'll fiddle around with it after I post. Right now it only has bullshit like 'add location' and 'labels' and allowing comments and whatnot. Feh.

Uhhhhh. The House episode that aired yesterday and which I watched today in the early hours of the morning with Cole was truly excellent. Lulz and character development were had.

Despite only having watched a season and a half of the previous seven seasons of 24, I am currently keeping up with the eighth (and last) season that's airing right now. In that news: (SPOILER) THEY KILLED RENEE WALKER. Dislike!

It seems like there were more things I wanted to say but I'm forgetting them now. It's the staying up till 5 am that does it, I tell ya. Oh. I'm currently going out with a boy who I met On the Internet, but I don't think I'll say any more about him on my public blog until if/when things become more serious.

Also, I've read books 1-5 of Scott Pilgrim, and I STILL DON'T KNOW IF I LIKE THEM. I mean, you'd figure if I went through the time to read five of the goddamn books I'd know that by now, but, uh, seriously. I don't know D: Mostly it's because they're graphic novel-y things and it takes me about twenty minutes to read a book, so instead of having 500 pages or whatever to think hmmm, do I like this? I only have about 180 or whatever, and it's not EVEN 180 pages of text because 2/3 of it is PICTURES. Which isn't bad. It's just that it's like trying to figure out if I like potato chips. One bite and it's gone. Eeek.

Quote of the Day

"Chocolate milk and plotting. Two tastes that go great together!"
~ Donald

Quote of the Day

"I'm a manipulative bitch and you're a heartless bitch. We make such a good team!"
~ Madi

profile not available

"The Blogger Profile you requested cannot be displayed. Many Blogger users have not yet elected to publicly share their Profile."

...because everyone knows the road to Progress leads toward more and more public display of your pictures & other information.

Right?

Quote of the Day

Gabrielle: "What I think of you? I think you are a very amusing, repressed young man who needs to get drunk more."

Cole: "I'm not amusing! ...I mean, repressed...Wow."

Quote of the Day

"My parakeet is apparently trying to evolve into a squeak toy...at least that's what it sounds like from the noises he's making."
~ Katie

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned: I refused to be silent about the institutional rape of children."

Melissa McEwan of Shakesville weighs in on Pope Benedict's horrific attempt at damage control.

list of things currently on my laptop desk

- The Line Between by Peter Beagle
- Conversations with Sherman Alexie
- Box of Kleenex
- chunky blue & silver bracelet
- chunky black bracelet with white orbs
- rainbow earrings with chains
- metallic starry earrings
- beaded turquoise and brown earrings
- cell phone
- disembodied extra box cutter blade
- glasses
- The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings Extended Edition DVDs
- The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Extended Edition DVDs

things currently NOT on my laptop desk:
- my laptop

haha, oops - yay dar!

This is a funny/useful strip of DAR! that I would normally have no issues at all with, but this guy totally wandered into the room, walked behind me, and was like HEY, IS THAT A WEBCOMIC? and I was horribly embarrassed. Um. Ha. ^.^;

i typed out this whole other entry

and then decided to rework it, because as written it's a bit *too* personal/TMI for a public blog. I'll save it for LJ, I guess.

The point is - well, apparently I haven't mentioned this before, but I'm bipolar. What disorder specifically I'm not sure, but it's definitely something manic-depression-esque. I'm not getting treatment right now, or on meds of any sort, but now that I'm aware I have it, I can keep a closer tab on my emotional states and try to avoid triggering behavior/habits.

The reason I'm not in treatment is because a) it's expensive, I'm on my parent's insurance, and they're not really supportive/understanding of the whole 'mental illness' thing, and b) now that I'm not in school anymore, I'm NOT technically on their insurance. Once you're past 18 and no longer a student AND still a dependent, well, no more automatic-albeit-not-free healthcare anymore, I guess. Something like that. Can't be fucked to get it right at the moment.

In any case, the particular emotional state I'm dealing with right now isn't mania, it's depression. I usually deal with one or the other around this time of year particularly, March to June. I don't mean I'm not dealing with mania at all, just that the predominating emotion is depression. Among other things, I'm having to deal with a tendency to cut as a way of self-medicating for depression, which is a unnerving because it's something I haven't felt tempted to do since I was 18, my senior year of high school. I thought I was over it. Guess not.

browser exp. ii

After two days of playing with Safari, I have returned to my One True Browser Love - Google Chrome.

The deal-breaking fly in the Safari ointment...not only can I not right click on bookmarks that AREN'T in the Bookmarks Bar to delete/rename them, I also can't drag them so as to alphabetize them correctly.

I am convinced that my obsession with alphabetizing things, both on my computer and not (books in my room, CD cases, DVDs, etc) is the fault of the library I worked at for 3 years. Alphabetizing things for a paycheck gave it happy associations for me, or something. Don't know. But it's definitely a priority. Sorry, Safari.

browser experimentation

Google Chrome, for the most part, has my undying loyalty (especially now that I've discovered that Chrome does INDEED have an AdBlock app), but sometimes I feel drawn to experiment. I've been having some issues with Chrome browsing Facebook lately, and decided to see if Safari would hold up any better. The answer is yes, as it turns out.

It's not a long-term solution, though (and in any case I suspect the Facebook/Chrome issue is because Facebook is going through a transitory period in its coding), because Safari doesn't run so well on the usual Internet I have to deal with at home - dial-up. Chrome runs well, no matter what crappy Internet I'm using.

I'm trying really hard to like Safari as a browser to use on faster Internet, but, Safari, you're makin' it hard for me. I keep having weird, tiny issues, like the whole thing freezing up for twenty seconds or so when I'm entering information to log in to various accounts, especially passwords.

I'm probably going to search for new updates (that I can't/don't usually bother to install because of dial-up) and see if that makes a difference, but I'm not optimistic.

in a state

what kind of state, you say?

not a state like...washington.

a state of LUST.

unashamed, abject LUST, i say.

it's because of this

Quote of the Day

Stranger: "Hi."
You: "hello"
Stranger: "What're you up to?"
You: "not much, just reading the archives of this new webcomic i discovered *geek*"
You: "what are you up to?"
Stranger: "Not being a geek."
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Quote of the Day

"I still can't believe you told everyone I'm a rabbit."
~ Angus

i break rules

It's four in the morning, do your parents know where YOU are?

Cause mine don't.

Well, I mean, they don't know where *I* am. I'm sure they don't know where you are either. That might be creepy.

Demas, In Love With This Present World

by Kristin Fogdall

2 Timothy 4:9-10

What you've heard is true — I've gone to Thessilonika.
I've taken a room above the agora with a view
of the harbor and wake too early to merchants' voices,
bleatings of every sort, and carpets being beaten.
The innkeeper and his wife bring bread — they are kind,
and their daughter is pretty, though she has a withered hand.

At night I watch the fishing boats come in to shore,
hung with many lanterns. The men pull up their nets
and sort the catch in shifting light; they sometimes sing
a song about the moon seducing an old sailor
and drink a bit and fall asleep wrapped in their robes.
Later someone puts the lights out one by one.

In between, the days are slow, and I think of you often.
I know what some are saying, that I loved my father
and his estate more than truth and our way of life.
It wasn't the inheritance that called me back,
and I won't return to the assembly or his house.
Demetrius is here, asleep beside me as I write.

He has thrown one of his warm legs over me
in a dream, and two pears with a jar of wine wait
on the table for when he wakes. I wish you understood
how it feels to fear the truth while also loving him.
I still believe this present world is passing away,
but now it is impossible to rejoice with you.

Sometimes when I walk outside the city gates
and look up into the mountains, toward Rome
where all of you are waiting, I want to come back —
but it doesn't last. I walk home through the colonnade,
listening to the temple priests and fortune tellers,
the eastern caravans selling cedar, pearls, and linen.

The innkeeper's daughter greets me at the door,
the weak hand cupped to her breast. She has been
praying to a small bright god in the corner
of her room, for health and peace, as she has been taught.
I will go upstairs and place my arms around the loved
and living body of one who owns no household gods,

who confesses no world but this. We will watch
the sky turn dark and wait for the fishermen to light
their lamps and disappear across the invisible sea.
I pray to the God I remember, whom I love and fail
to love, knowing words are all I have to bind
us to each other, knowing they are passing too.

Grace be with you.

free spirit? or just lazy?

I haven't worn eye makeup (pretty much the only kind of makeup I wear) in like 3 days. It's awesome - as someone with allergies that frequently express themselves through itchtastic eyes - to be able to kind of delicately rub 'em (sounds dirty, isn't dirty) a little bit without smearing eyeliner everywhere. Just have to worry about the eyeliner though - I've pretty much given up on mascara except for uber-special occasions.

Why? It's become an almost-written-in-stone rule of my life that wearing mascara on any particular day almost GUARANTEES that I will end up crying that day, and then it will run. I can hear the smart-alecks now - why don't you just wear waterproof mascara Gabrielle?

Because waterproof means fucking WATERPROOF. Not only proofed against the random tear or two, it also means at the end of the day when I wash my face, the mascara will still be there. I guess it isn't such a bad thing, I mean, unlike every other kind of makeup, which goes on your face and therefore will clog your pores if you don't take it off at some point, mascara just kind of chillaxes on your eyelashes. But. Still. It bothers me if I don't take it off. (Don't judge me!)

This has been Gabrielle's Random Rants. Thank you, come again...on that 'random' note, anyone seen Cop Out? Is it good? Just thought I'd ask...

ask me things!

http://www.formspring.me/gabriellemv

my laptop, she is fixed! hallelujah!

After practically a month passed, I finally took my laptop in to the local Toshiba repair centers, and luckily Toshiba is doing the Bios password repairs for free until December 31st, 2010! This is great because I'm literally broke - I have five dollars in my savings account, plus roughly fifteen thousand dollars in student loan debt that I have to start paying back, plus I owe my parents over a thousand dollars for various things. While my parents are nice enough to let me stay in their house free of rent, feed me, and let me drive the car which they pay insurance on & fill up with gas, paying for repairs on my laptop just so I can carry it around places to catch WiFi, as well as using it at home in preference to their shitty desktop.

...Also my parents pay for the Tracfone I use now (god I hate that thing). Basically I am a little leech on their lives right now. I suck as a daughter, in all ways. Moving on.

I suppose the thing I love best about having my laptop back...well, there are many things. For example, I just carried it to Whitworth tonight so I could sit down for an hour or two after the weekly Dungeons and Dragons campaign I am a part of and download some musics. Downloaded a new episode of House as well, so I am almost caught up (squee!). Oddly (conveniently) my username and password to Whitworth's student wireless network still work (as opposed to their guest network).

I also love the fact that I'm the only one who uses this computer, as opposed to the desktop I've been using for the past month (which several people use). So I can feel free to stay logged in to all my various social networking sites, etc, on here, instead of logging out to ensure my privacy is secure, and having to log back in to everything every fucking time I reopen the browser.

Another fantastic thing - the browser. NO MORE INTERNET EXPLORER, FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE! I could cry for sheer joy.

I'm a happy camper right now, basically.

so pumped

I HAVE AN INTERVIEW TODAY! I know it's stupid to get this excited about just an interview, but this is literally the first one I've had since I've been job-searching. YAY!

shit i want, pt. 1

I've decided what I really, really need, is a biggish reading light sort of thing to hang near the front bit of my bed. It needs to have a chain that'll hang down to right near where my head usually sits on the pillow. That way, when I read in bed before going to sleep (as I often do) when I'm finally like, bugger this holding the book up nonsense, I'm ready for SLEEP, I can reach out, grab the chain, and pull the light off. Otherwise I have to freaking get up and WALK to where my light switch is, over by the door, and then by the time I get back into bed I've absolutely interrupted my normal 'drift slowly off to sleep under as many covers and pillows as I can find' routine. So...often I try to just sort of pull a bit of blanket over my head and sleep with the light glaring overhead. Either way, it just does not work.

Quote of the Day

Bella: "I'm coming!"
Edward: "I don't want you to come!"
~ New Moon

the next big horror movie opener?

I came downstairs from washing my face and there was like...an oat on my chair. Just a single one. I don't know if it was a calling card left by the Oatmeal Killer or what, but it was definitely the weirdest thing that has happened to me today so far :P

IE fail

Freezing & shutting down because of an error from a page that I WASN'T EVEN LOOKING AT ANYMORE?! Internet Explorer, you suck at life. Die in a fire.

Quote of the Day

"Facebook has warped the idea of "friend" into something very loose-fitting. Like a friend mumu or something."
~ Melissa

math fail

I just made an absolute idiot of myself you guys. The job application I just put in had a full page of basic math, including like...finding the area of a circle. It was awful. They're going to tape it to the wall and laugh at it for years to come. I'm so embarrassed xD

Quote of the Day

"Fish aren't like children...you have to remember to feed fish."
~ Katie

Quote of the Day

"Gabe! You enter a relationship one step at a time: First into his pants, THEN into his house."
~ Cole

Quote of the Day

"There's a difference between murder and drinking Kool-Aid."
~ Mom

Quote of the Day

"Obviously you have not heard of the yellow-nosed coma pigeon. They do in fact sleep a million hours a day."
~ Taylor

computer troubles

It's not the first time I've had problems with my laptop...the hard drive said farewell to this world six months after I received it as the best graduation gift ever (slightly biased statement). In hindsight it may be because one of my particularly stupid acquaintances threw it from the front seat of the car into the back seat...luckily it was still under warranty, and I only realized that the incident occurred post-stupid-acquaintance-duress AFTER it had been repaired (for free). Alas, the repair included none of the precious, precious files that had been lost with the crash...not too much of a disaster, considering that I'd only just graduated from high school. Most of my angsty writing/memories/chat logs were still on the family desktop. Not all...but most.

Now I'm in trouble again...after freezing up this morning, the computer was shut down and restarted only to display a very primitive "Enter Password" box. And it responds to none of my, y'know, actual passwords. After Google investigations it appears it's a common bug. There's a download from the manufacturers that prevents it, but apparently the download doesn't work AFTER the issue has locked down your computer, and can only be fixed by taking it into a repair center. (Anyone curious as to the exact technical nature should feel free to Google "Toshiba password." That should tell you all you need to know....)

In the meantime I'm stuck on the persnickety Emachines PC, and while it's been fun trawling through old icons & homework assignments I've saved on here, I'm bored already. The only IM program installed is an old version of MSN Messenger. Attempts to log onto Meebo result in the computer freaking out. It's dial up Internet only, but I'm used to that while I'm at home, obviously... Unfortunately the only browser on the computer is an old (how old? not sure) version of IE (the horror, the horror!) I'm attempting to download IE 8, so I'll at least have an up-to-date piece of crap browser...estimated time of download? Four and a half hours. Kill me now.

iTunes isn't installed on this computer, because, as I said, it's persnickety. It's died a few times in the three years since I stopped using it thanks to The Blessed Graduation Laptop. Pretty much all of the files were recovered thanks to my dad's computer wizardy (it's more like mail order computer magic, Bedknobs and Broomsticks style, really), but apparently not all of the programs. Hence, no iTunes. And I'm not planning on adding that to my list of Things to Download (includes IE 8 and possibly Trillian, if I'm ambitious) - the first time I downloaded iTunes for this computer, I had to leave the Internet running all night. No me gusta.

Quote of the Day

"Is Rent gay?"

~ Jason

Quote of the Day

"[My publisher] told me it was okay for me to post a few panels from the book I'm drawing, to show the world what has been occupying my time since January ... and by "occupying" I mean, I went outdoors today and screamed "what the hell is that???" at the ball of fire in the sky. Oh right, it's called the sun."
~ Faith

Quote of the Day

"Isn't it great that we live in a country where a cigar-smoking dog puppet and a bear that masturbates are considered intellectual property?"
~ Conan O'Brien

24 and homophobes and bisexual angst, oh my!

So I watched like four episodes of the first season of 24 this morning. I think I'm hooked (damn). Luckily my dad has like three seasons on DVD, so I'll be well stocked for a while.

In one of the episodes, two female assassins/terrorists make out. For like...30 seconds. If that. And they were the BAD guys. My parents still acted all like "UM." and my mom made noises about how I should turn it off. It's like that Life episode that my parents refused to watch because the family they were investigating was a gay couple.

Anyway, Cameron came downstairs during that part, and was like "OMG, WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?" Then the scene ended and he wandered off, distracted. Later he told Spencer about how he came downstairs this morning and "almost puked" because of the girls on TV.

I'm out to everyone I know about being bisexual...except my family. And even then, Spencer knows. Ostensibly. That doesn't prevent him from making snarky comments in front of me about how gay people are no better than pedophiles, and "it's basically the same thing."

I really worry that I'm going to fall in love with some girl and then have to bring her home to these assholes. My plan is to most definitely NOT come out as long as I'm living at home/financially dependent on my family, just because I'm afraid of how they'd react. Although I wish they knew...every time they made some damn stupid comment about 'the homosexuals.'

goddammit jack bauer...

Thanks to my father owning the first three seasons of 24, I've decided to ahead and watch the first season - possibly more - to at least get a sense of context. The damn thing started in 2001! I really hope I don't get hooked beyond all reason, I don't have the hard drive space OR money to download or buy more seasons. Then again, I'm pretty fond of Bones and haven't felt driven to such craziness. Despite Emily Deschanel's geeky hawtness...dude, I just looked up her Wiki page and I think we own the same shirt! Weird weird weird. Cough.

regarding 24...

I made a mistake and watched the 2-hour season premier of 24 tonight. I enjoyed it, and, well, dammit, I don't have time in my life to follow yet another TV show! There I a reason I've avoided getting tangled up in Heroes, DESPITE Zachary Quinton's Sylar-y hawtness!

Grrrr.

Quote of the Day

"What is up my Nigerian?"

~ Elliott

why i hate that song

'Cause it's nine in the afternoon
and i lie beside him, staring into
his eyes as only the very newly in love do
as if they have never seen the other before

And your eyes are the size of the moon
as i search his face, not just his eyes
sketching it in my head, trying to memorize
every damn line

You could, 'cause you can, so you do
because good friends could be
even better boyfriends, because he
is a surprisingly good kisser for a geek.

Feeling so good, just the way that we do, 
as usual our friendship has a certain spark
but unusually this time as we lay in the dark
we acknowledge it's lovers we should be instead

When it's nine in the afternoon
and it never will be this time again, we will never
be in this comfortable way beside each other again, whatever
i do, but unaware of our future i smile as he holds me

PETTY

I realize this is a really geeky thing to get pissed about, but it really bothers me when webcomic authors, especially, go to great lengths to advertise WHEN their site updates - "UPDATES ON WEDNESDAY" in big font - and then Wednesday comes and goes and, not a word. No new page, no note from the author about how real life intervened...NOTHING. Actually this one particular webbie perplexes me to no end because the guy posts new voting incentives with clockworklike regularity...and I'm like, really? Voting incentives are great and all, but it seems stupid to expect us to vote for you when you can't even keep to your own rules.

Also, finally got around to downloading "The Fame Monster" by Lady GaGa. 'Alejandro' is pretty much my favorite song, although I also had 'Telephone' stuck in my head for hour upon hour yesterday.

Finally...I wrote this post all out, then hit 'publish post' - AND IT WENT TO A 404 PAGE. It was like, 'did you mean *insert page here*. FUCKING....Chrome, Blogger, *I* did not mean anything. *You* sent me to this page. FIX YOURSELF.

Quote of the Day

"The crap spewing forth from these children is utterly ridiculous!"

~ Katie

self image

Just having one of those days where I look at myself in the mirror and am like, "Ew." Just don't like how I look.

This, too, shall pass...

I'M A PERSON

I hate how Blogger makes me enter a Captcha to post a comment, even though I have a Gmail account AND a blog that I update (semi) regularly. Pff.

just to say

I would like to note that it took me 3 tries and over fifteen minutes to get the last entry to post correctly.

Fucking Blogger.

For My Lover, Returning to His Wife

by Anne Sexton

She is all there.
She was melted carefully down for you
and cast up from your childhood,
cast up from your one hundred favorite aggies.
She has always been there, my darling.
She is, in fact, exquisite.
Fireworks in the dull middle of February
and as real as a cast-iron pot.
Let's face it, I have been momentary.
A luxury. A bright red sloop in the harbor.
My hair rising like smoke from the car window.
Littleneck clams out of season.
She is more than that. She is your have to have,
has grown you your practical your tropical growth.
This is not an experiment. She is all harmony.
She sees to oars and oarlocks for the dinghy,
has placed wild flowers at the window at breakfast,
sat by the potter's wheel at midday,
set forth three children under the moon,
three cherubs drawn by Michelangelo,
done this with her legs spread out
in the terrible months in the chapel.
If you glance up, the children are there
like delicate balloons resting on the ceiling.
She has also carried each one down the hall
after supper, their heads privately bent,
two legs protesting, person to person,
her face flushed with a song and their little sleep.
I give you back your heart.
I give you permission --
for the fuse inside her, throbbing
angrily in the dirt, for the bitch in her
and the burying of her wound --
for the burying of her small red wound alive --
for the pale flickering flare under her ribs,
for the drunken sailor who waits in her left pulse,
for the mother's knee, for the stocking,
for the garter belt, for the call --
the curious call
when you will burrow in arms and breasts
and tug at the orange ribbon in her hair
and answer the call, the curious call.
She is so naked and singular
She is the sum of yourself and your dream.
Climb her like a monument, step after step.
She is solid.
As for me, I am a watercolor.
I wash off.

yowza

So...apparently this whole 'semi-naked women serving drive-through coffee' thing is catching on. I knew they were prosecuting a woman in Yakima for working while just wearing like pasties and a g-string, but I guess it's a problem in the Seattle area too! The Stranger reports - http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2010/01/08/your-tax-dollars-hard-at-nsfw (so, so, so NSFW).

In other news, I sent my resume to like three places the other day, forgetting that I'd saved it after writing an address down on the top line. I am such an *idiot.* Go me.

grrr

So...you know if you use Blogger that there'll be a thing on your home page/Dashboard that says Blogs I'm Following. It's called like the reading list, and gives you a list of links to new posts from the blogs you're following, so you can keep up with all of them at once. Kind of like Livejournal's Friends page.

All well and good, BUT, according to *my* reading list, no one I'm following has updated in two days. WHICH ISN'T TRUE.

Guh. Fucking Blogger...

this is just wrong

Discussing sex euphemisms with Taylor & he pulls this one out: "Putting your Willy Wonka in the chocolate factory." HOW AWFUL IS THAT?!

Quote of the Day

Villain on tv: "I'm gonna tear this guy a new hole!"

Cameron: "Did he say he was gonna turn that guy into a hole?"

happy anniversary to meeeeee

So I've been on Blogger for a year! Go me!

Since last January, I have:

- Transferred back to Whitworth University from Spokane Community College
- Come out as bisexual
- Broken up with two different boys (one after a two year relationship, one after a, um, very intense week and a half relationship).
- Lost my first job, which I maintained for three and a half years.
- Remained unemployed since January 9th, 2009.
- Been diagnosed as bipolar.
- Hit a very nice Mustang Convertible while trying to park & had to pay out the ass for the repair of a three inch long scratch.
- Gotten new glasses (seems stupid, but I'd had the replaced ones since the summer of 2007...)
- Smoked my first cigarette.
- Dropped out of college entirely.

Probably more stuff that I'm forgetting, but that's a pretty complete list as things go. Happy New Year, and may 2010 rock everyone's collective socks.

Quote of the Day

"I was terribly sorry to be the one to explain to the first graders the connection between the sunset and pollution."

~ "Fragments for the End of the Year," by Jennifer K. Sweeney